Follow by Email

Monday, December 17, 2012

No School Today- Thinking of the children lost

Skipping work and school today in memory of the kids and teachers that lost their lives at Sandy Brook Elementary.  The pain those parents and family members must be going through... it's incomprehensible.

I worry about Jonah everyday, how long will he live?  Will he be in pain?  Will he be part of a clinical trial?  Will that trial be invasive and dangerous?  Will a treatment come in time?  Then I worry about him getting hit by a car. Now a bullet....

When I was 11 my Grandma was diagnosed with a terminal brain tumor.  We lived with her at the time, I watched my brilliant and talented Grandmother wither away.  When my Dad shot himself. I contemplated the only two deaths of my loved ones. I thought that I would rather have someone that I loved go fast rather then watch them slowly demise. My Grandma didn't know who I was at the end.  The last few months of her life she said every day: "I wish I would just die."

My Dad didn't want to live anymore, he didn't want his family to see him depressed or be a burdened on them.  Dad had a gun, Grandma didn't.

Where am I going with this?

When Jonah was diagnosed with a fatal disease. I took back my decision- that I'd rather have a loved one go fast so that I didn't have to watch them die.  I want to be by Jonah's side for every laugh and tear.  Is that selfish?

My heart goes out to those parents that had their children's lives snatched away from them.  I wish I could do more.  Today Jonah and I will goof off all day. We'll play tag and laugh.  Make Christmas cookies and eat cookie dough until we have belly aches.  My little cookie eater is up now, time to get busy goofing off.