I worry about Jonah everyday, how long will he live? Will he be in pain? Will he be part of a clinical trial? Will that trial be invasive and dangerous? Will a treatment come in time? Then I worry about him getting hit by a car. Now a bullet....
When I was 11 my Grandma was diagnosed with a terminal brain tumor. We lived with her at the time, I watched my brilliant and talented Grandmother wither away. When my Dad shot himself. I contemplated the only two deaths of my loved ones. I thought that I would rather have someone that I loved go fast rather then watch them slowly demise. My Grandma didn't know who I was at the end. The last few months of her life she said every day: "I wish I would just die."
My Dad didn't want to live anymore, he didn't want his family to see him depressed or be a burdened on them. Dad had a gun, Grandma didn't.
Where am I going with this?
When Jonah was diagnosed with a fatal disease. I took back my decision- that I'd rather have a loved one go fast so that I didn't have to watch them die. I want to be by Jonah's side for every laugh and tear. Is that selfish?
